


Ceteris Paribus

by Rochelle_Templer



Category: All Creatures Great and Small (TV), All Creatures Great and Small - James Herriot
Genre: Family Fluff, Gen, Introspection, the usual mix of warm fuzzies and less than perfect endings one should expect from ACGaS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-01 02:27:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14510505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rochelle_Templer/pseuds/Rochelle_Templer
Summary: Siegfried knew that there were many ways to be somebody's brother. Including some he didn't like to think about.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place some time late in season two.

If there was one animal that Siegfried Farnon understood on an instinctive level, it was horses.

Years of schooling and then work as a qualified veterinary surgeon had certainly augmented his understanding of horses and their needs. However, even as a boy, he had had an intrinsic sense about horses. About their manner, their feelings and their condition even though he couldn’t always articulate or define what he knew. That only came with the passage of time and the experience of life.

Looking out over the field where a pony listlessly milled around its enclosure, Siegfried knew that the veterinary eye would chalk up its behavior to neglect and lack of exercise, both of which were certainly accurate. If this had been any other horse, Siegfried probably would have been satisfied with that diagnosis as well.

However, in this instance, Siegfried knew that there was another reason why this pony was acting the way that it was: because somehow it knew that its beloved owner was never coming back.

* * *

 

Siegfried had first met the pony four months ago. His owner, a young boy named Derry Ross, had just moved to Darrowby to live with his brother Dale on Dale’s farm. Their parents had died two weeks previously in a house fire while Derry had been at school. At only twelve years old, Derry still needed someone to look after him and Dale was now his only living relative.

The only possessions Derry had when he arrived on his brother’s pig farm were the clothes on his back and his pony which some neighbors of the boy’s parents had kindly arranged to have transported to Derry’s new home.

A week after he had moved in, Derry had showed up in the waiting room of the surgery at Skeldale. Siegfried had been watching it that morning and was surprised to find the quiet, skinny boy sitting and waiting patiently for someone to notice him.

“Well hello there,” Siegfried had said as the boy stood up and approached him. “And what can I do for you today?”

“Are you Mr. Farnon?” Derry said in a low voice with a hint of a lisp.

“I am.”

“I heard you know about horses.”

“That I do. Is something the matter with your horse?”

“Yes sir,” Derry said, nodding. “My pony, Clyde, he’s trembling and sweating and I think it might be summat awful. Please come look at him.”

“All right,” Siegfried said, taking off his white coat. “We’ll go at once. I’ll just let my housekeeper know where we will be going and then we can take off in my car.”

* * *

 

 When he arrived, Dale Ross had been less than enthusiastic to see him.

“And how much is this going to cost me, Farnon?” he had harrumphed.

Siegfried blinked in surprise. He hadn’t had many dealings with Dale Ross, but whenever he did come out to check on his pigs, Dale had seemed reasonable if also rather curt. Thus, he wasn’t surprised by the bluntness of the question, but was somewhat confounded by Dale’s sudden concern about cost.

“Most likely, not as much as it would have if the problem had been allowed to go on,” Siegfried replied coolly. “Your brother was right to call me in at the first sign of trouble.”

Dale let out another haughty snort and walked off. Dale was a short, stocky man with a head of dark red hair that was the same shade as Derry’s and was twenty years Derry’s senior. He had moved to Darrowby not long after Derry was born and managed to grow his farm from just a handful of pigs to a thriving business that provided a large portion of the pork found in the butcher shops in the area.

Derry led Siegfried to the barn where he had been keeping Clyde and it only took a minute for Siegfried to figure out the problem.

“I’m afraid it’s laminitis, Derry. You may have also heard it referred to as founder.”

“Founder?” Derry echoed. “Don’t that…don’t that make ponies lame? Not even able to stand up?”

Siegfried beamed at him. “So you know something of ponies, do you? Bright lad. Yes, it can lead to that if it’s not treated early enough. Fortunately, I believe we’ve caught it before it had a chance to progress into true founder.”

Derry let out a soft sigh of relief while Siegfried continued to smile and patted the pony a couple of times. “I just need to get some things from my car and I can start treatment. Tell me, how did you happen to come by your pony?”

“Old man Soams had some foals he didn’t want,” Derry answered as they walked together toward the car. “I’d work’d for him every summer for um, five years in his stables. So he said I could have one so I’d learn more about ponies.”

“That was very generous of him,” Siegfried replied. “You like them a lot, don’t you? Horses and ponies.”

“Oh yes,” Derry said, his face brightening at last. “Mom said, ever since I could walk, I was runnin’ o’er to Soams’ so I could hang around his stables. When I grow up, I’d like to run some stables of my own. Train horses and take care of ‘em.”

“I see,” Siegfried said. “So no ambitions for farming like your brother, then?”

Derry’s face fell. “No sir, Mr. Farnon. That is, I…I don’t think I’d be any good at it anyhow.”

There was a nervousness that Siegfried couldn’t help but notice. “I don’t suppose your brother had his hopes set on your carrying on his legacy?”

Derry shook his head and Siegfried felt a twinge of sadness as those dark, hopeless eyes met his.

“I don’t think it’d matter much to my brother one way or another.”

* * *

 

Siegfried fetched the needed equipment from the trunk of his car and then patted Derry on the shoulder. “What I’m going to do, Derry, is trim some of Clyde’s hooves and hopefully that will keep this from progressing. I’ll also give you some medicine that will help with any pain he’s experiencing.”

“Thank you, Mr. Farnon.”

“You’re very welcome, Derry. Now tell me, have you been letting him graze in these side pastures unattended?”

“Yes sir,” Derry answered. “I let him out ‘fore I start on my morning chores. Dale don’t usually give me that many in the mornings so I got time to let him back in before I head off to school.”

“Ah see, that’s the problem,” Siegfried said. “I imagine the fields around your old home were rather spare. The pastures on your brother’s farm, however, are lush with grass. Which can lead to overgrazing, especially as the weather gets colder.”

“I see,” Derry nodded. “Will I have to graze him somewhere else, then?”

“Oh I don’t think that will be necessary,” Siegfried said. “Just limit Clyde’s grazing time and there should be no more problems on that front. Now, let’s see about these hooves.”

Derry watched in silence as Siegfried trimmed and reshaped the affected hooves. As he worked, he explained the process as best he could, first to reassure him and by the end, to instruct him as he was certain that Derry was eager to absorb the information. When he was done, he pulled out a small bottle from his bag.

“All right, Derry, just give him a couple spoonfuls of this twice a day for a week, and he should be feeling better in no time. And remember what I said. Make sure he doesn’t have a chance to graze too much on this grass.”

“Yes sir, Mr. Farnon,” Derry said. “I won’t forget, I promise.”

Derry stuffed the bottle into his pocket and walked over to rub Clyde’s neck. Siegfried smiled again and walked out of the barn to find Dale waiting for him.

“A simple case of the beginnings of founder, Mr. Ross,” Siegfried reported. “I’ve taken care of the problem, and it should clear up soon. Your brother is quite an observant lad to spot the trouble so quickly.”

“Aye, only because he’s always frittering away his time with that pony of his rather than getting on with his chores,” Dale responded. Derry came up beside Siegfried, and Dale turned his attention onto him. “Chores which he’s already late on.”

Derry hung his head. “Sorry. I, I’ll get to ‘em.”

“See that you do,” Dale said. “And don’t you dare step foot in that house until they’re done. You’ll not get your supper one minute before.”

Derry nodded and ran off. Dale watched him go, shaking his head. “Useless whelp.”

“He’s your brother, Mr. Ross,” Siegfried said, carefully hiding his disgust. “And he’s still a boy. A boy who just lost his parents.”

“Aye, I miss them too,” Dale said, his features softening for a moment. Then the moment passed, and a harsh scowl appeared on his face. “But Derry’s always been like that. Not doing his chores and wasting his time on that pony. I’ve had to be at him every hour of the day ever since he’s been here, and I’ve got plenty of my own work to do.”

“Naturally, you must expect a period of adjustment,” Siegfried replied. “But I’m sure it will be nothing that is insurmountable. Derry just needs time.”  

“I never wanted children,” Dale added. “Got no place for them here. And now, I’ve got another mouth to feed and can’t hardly get any work out of him. ‘Sides, what would you know about it, Farnon? I don’t see you looking after any children that’d been dropped into your lap.”

“On the contrary, I know quite a bit about what you’re experiencing,” Siegfried said. “You’ve met my brother, Tristan. Circumstances made it so that it was necessary for me to look after him while he was still a child. In fact, he was just a touch younger than Derry is now at the time. So I do know indeed what it’s like to care for a boy while struggling to establish yourself. But I can assure you that any difficulties you may encounter are very small indeed compared to the rewards you and your brother could enjoy from each other’s company. Especially during this difficult time.”

Dale snorted. “Not with him. Not Derry.” He took a deep breath and shook his head before gesturing toward a barn further up the field. “Since you’re here, charging me for your services anyway, could you have a look at this new batch of piglets? Probably about due for their shots soon.”

Siegfried nodded, figuring it would save a trip for himself or James in the future. Although he was sorry that he wouldn’t be able to have this chore in reserve for Tristan for when his little brother needed another lesson in work ethic. Still, there were plenty of pigs on Ross’ farm, and it wouldn’t be long before more inoculations were needed. He’d have to keep it in the back of his mind.

After he was finished examining the piglets, he set up an appointment to follow up with the shots and check on Clyde at the same time. As he drove back to Skeldale, he thought about Derry again and decided that maybe he would bring Tristan along with him for his next visit after all. If only so he could pawn off the more menial work to his brother and spend some more time getting to know Derry.

* * *

 

Over the next few weeks, Siegfried visited the Ross farm regularly.

Clyde recovered from his laminitis quickly, something he attributed to Derry’s devoted care. With his diet and exercise regimens adjusted, Clyde was growing into a fine pony.

Unfortunately, Derry was not doing as well as Clyde. He always greeted Siegfried with a smile and was eager to talk about horses or to just listen to Siegfried teach him new things about them. However, when he wasn’t actively engaged in one of their equine themed conversations, Derry seemed listless. Weariness was etched into his face.

A couple of times, Siegfried tried to invite him and his brother to Skeldale so they could talk some more, but Derry always turned down the offer immediately.

“My brother is awfully busy, Mr. Farnon,” Derry would say in rushed, nervous voice. “And I’ve got these chores to do. Well, you know Dale wouldn’t like it if I fell behind….”

On its own, it seemed innocuous enough. Siegfried knew that most of the farmers in the area faced mountainous amounts of work every day. Work which often required that the children of a household pitch in as much as possible.

But Ross was not one of those farmers who was struggling to remain afloat. In fact, Ross’ farm was so successful, Dale was able to hire men to attend to most of the actual labor while he mainly took an administrative and supervisory role in the running of it. Thus, there seemed to be little reason to work Derry so hard when even the hired hands had more leisure time by comparison.

 Still, even though Siegfried disapproved of how he had seen Dale treat Derry, he was reluctant to do much more than occasionally drop pointed hints to Dale to be a little kinder toward his brother. During the years that he had spent taking care of Tristan as a boy, Siegfried knew that there were those who didn’t approve of the choices he had made regarding his little brother’s upbringing, one of primary ones being his decision to have his brother live with him the first place. More than once he had heard vague whispers about how it had been “inappropriate” to take Tristan away from his mother to live with someone who was a bachelor as well as a busy vet.

While those murmurs of disapproval rankled him, Siegfried had always been able to brush those criticisms aside with his firm belief that the people who said such things couldn’t possibly know Tristan as well as he did and had no inkling of what was best for him. Not to mention their ignorance of the amount of work he put into making sure that his little brother would grow up healthy, happy, and with plenty of opportunities to make a good future for himself.

Consequently, Siegfried felt conflicted about telling Dale how to raise his own little brother. Perhaps things weren’t as bad as they might look on the surface. Or maybe they would improve over time.

At least Siegfried hoped they would. For Derry’s sake.

* * *

 

During one of his visits, Siegfried made the suggestion to Derry that he might try looking for work in one of the stables around Darrowby, a suggestion Derry pounced onto.

“It sounds like a dream, Mr. Farnon,” Derry said. “But are you sure? I mean, that I could get work like that.”

“I can’t see why you couldn’t,” Siegfried assured him. “There are a lot of stables in the area. And they are often looking for young boys who will apply themselves. And the way you’ve taken care of Clyde is proof enough that you would do well in such a setting. Just continue to work hard, and if I hear of any opportunities, I’ll be sure to recommend you.”

“Thanks for that, Mr. Farnon,” Derry said. “Do you think I could find work here soon? Maybe in a week?”

“I’m afraid that’s not likely, Derry,” Siegfried said. “After all, you are still a boy and still have more you need to learn. And there is your brother to consider. He is responsible for you and will have a hand in any decisions regarding your possible employment at a stable. You do understand?”

Derry flinched, the light draining from his eyes. “I understand, sir. Thank you again, Mr. Farnon.”

* * *

 

Siegfried saw very little of Derry over the next month and only in passing when he stopped by the Ross farm to attend to Dale’s pigs. Business at the practice had picked up, and it would soon be time for Tristan to take more exams. Thus, he was frequently far too busy to make any social visits during the day and often into the night.

Still, he often thought of Derry and hoped that he was doing well and that he could give him some good news soon about a stable he could work at.

Then came the morning when a constable appeared at his front door looking for Derry.

“Mr. Ross phoned the station this morning,” the constable said. “Seems the boy disappeared a week ago while out with his chores.”

“A week ago?” Siegfried echoed, gaping. “But you said that he only called you this morning.”

The constable nodded grimly, his feelings about that fact transparent. “Yes. Apparently Mr. Ross believed that his brother had run away. It seems he was in the habit of doing that, leaving for a day or so and then returning so he could take care of his pony. Mr. Ross thought it would be best to leave the authorities out of this family matter for as long as possible.”

Siegfried gave a nod to show that he had understood, but hadn’t been able to keep all of his growing anger out of the gesture.

“Mr. Ross mentioned that you were friendly with the boy,” the constable continued. “Do you have any ideas about where he might have gone?”

“No, I, I haven’t spoken to him in some time,” Siegfried said. “I’d been meaning to check on Clyde, that’s his pony, and him for a while now, but….”

“I’ve seen him.”

Siegfried whirled around to see Tristan walking toward the door, his hands in his pockets.

“You’ve seen him recently?” the constable asked.

“Well, not recently, no,” Tristan said. “I stopped by Ross’ farm about a week ago and talked to him. He was quiet, but was also worried about his pony. He asked me if Siegfried and I could help him take care of it. I told him that we would and then he didn’t say much after that. I haven’t seen him since then.”

“Sounds like he was planning on running away then,” the constable replied. “We’ve started a search from Ross’ farm, but as you know, it is a large area and with the weather turning the way it is….”

“I understand,” Siegfried said. “I wonder if I could join your search party. I’ve only known Derry for a short time, but I….”

“We could always use the extra help,” the constable said. “You can follow my car up to the next area we have plotted for the search.”

“Yes, yes, just let me get my coat and….” Siegfried paused and glanced back at Tristan.

“I can watch the surgery, Siegfried,” Tristan said. “And I’ll tell James when he arrives about that call from Crump you got this morning.”

“Thank you, Tristan. I….” Siegfried shrugged his coat on and shook his head. “Tell Mrs. Hall that I don’t know if I’ll be home in time for supper tonight.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update. I hope to finish it up by next week.
> 
> Also, as I was editing this, I realized this chapter would get overly long compared to the first one, so I decided to split it into two.

Instead of heading straight for the area where the constable had said the search was currently concentrated, Siegfried decided to stop by Ross’ farm to see if Dale could give him some ideas of where to look. As he got about halfway there, it occurred to him that Dale might not be there and that this could turn out to be a wasted errand.

As it turned out, it did turn out to be an unproductive visit, although not for the reasons that Siegfried had anticipated.

He spotted Dale walking toward the house as parked his car on the main drive and sprinted toward him as soon as he got out.

“Mr. Ross,” he shouted. “Thank heavens I caught you. I thought perhaps you had met up with the police for the search. Or have they found Derry already?”

“No, they haven’t found him,” Dale snapped. “And if you didn’t think I’d be here, why did you come?”

“I’m sure the constables have already asked you plenty of questions about where Derry might have gone,” Siegfried pressed on. “But I thought that, if the two of us were to put our heads together, we could come up with some inkling of where he was heading. Did he mention….?”

“Look, Mr. Farnon, Derry and I…we don’t talk. He has his business, and as long as he gets his work done, I leave him to it.”

“But he’s your brother. Surely, you must have some ideas about….”

“I told you, Derry lives his life and I live mine,” Dale interrupted. “I’d moved out long before Mum and Dad had him so I ne’er really knew him. I’m not saying he’s a bad sort…even if he is useless around the farm. But he’s just a child and I’m a man with responsibilities. And brother or not, we had nowt to talk about between us. And now, look at this mess he caused. Running away like that. I’m already behind in my chores. I don’t know how I’ll catch up. But I’ll teach him a lesson when he gets home. Mark my words, I will.”

“Yes, but for now, let’s concentrate on actually finding him,” Siegfried said, his tone increasingly brittle. “And if you don’t have any ideas that can aid us, you can at least join me in the search.”

“You go on ahead if you like,” Dale said. “I’ll be meeting up with the constables later. I’ve got to see to my piglets before I can go gallivanting all o’er the fields.  I know where I’ll have to go so there’s no reason for you to stay here.”

Dale marched into his house, slamming his door behind him. Siegfried glared at that door for a full minute before storming back to his car and taking off as fast as he could toward the latest search area.

* * *

 

It was well after dark when James finally finished with his own list of jobs, along with several of Siegfried’s, and came back to Skeldale. However, instead of finding Siegfried waiting for him with news of how the search went, he saw Helen sitting on the couch in the living room alone, watching the fire.

“James,” she said, nearly jumping up to greet him. They shared a quick embrace and kiss. “Mrs. Hall kept supper for you. I’ll go get you some.”

“Thanks,” James said, shuffling over toward the table. “Any word from Siegfried yet?”

“Not so far, no,” Helen said as she walked out of the room. “Oh and I had to send Tristan out to a call on Dent’s farm a couple of hours ago. One of his pigs cut its leg on some barbed wire.”

James nodded and sat down at the table with a yawn. Then he got back up to pour himself a beer and was just about to sit again when Helen returned with a plate of food.

“Thanks,” he repeated. The two of them sat down, and James immediately dug in, starved after the long day he had had.

“I hope they find him soon,” Helen said. She rested an elbow onto the table and placed her chin on the heel of her hand. “It’s getting cold at night again. What if he got lost on those moors? With as cold as it is out there, he could get exposure.”

“I know,” James said, his tone grim. “And I doubt they’ll make much progress on the search now. There’s not even any moonlight to help them.”

Helen started to respond, but was stopped by the sound of the front door slamming and the cacophony of dogs rushing to greet someone. There was a shout in the hall and then Siegfried appeared in the living room.

“Siegfried, any word?” James asked him. Siegfried let out a sigh and headed over toward the tantalus.

“They are still searching the fields around Ross’ farm,” he said as he poured himself some whiskey. He walked over to sit down in front of the fire. “They are some abandoned cottages in the area nearby, so they’ll probably work their way toward them tonight, but it won’t be easy in this darkness.”

“Poor boy,” Helen said softly. “First his parents and now this. His brother must be terribly worried.”

“His brother?” Siegfried snorted. He took a long swig of his whiskey. “He hadn’t even joined the search when I stopped by after I left this morning. You know what he said he was going to do first? Check his piglets. His baby brother is missing and he’s wasting time worrying about his blasted piglets.”

James and Helen shared stunned glances with each other over this news while Siegfried finished his drink. Once he was done, he slammed his glass onto the settee and jumped to his feet.

“It’s a dammed disgrace,” Siegfried growled. “What the hell is he doing, idling away on things that he could leave to his hired hands while his brother is missing? It doesn’t matter how busy his farm is or that Derry chose to run away. His little brother is still his responsibility. He should be focusing his energy on making sure he’s all right. Derry is just a boy and it’s Dale’s job, _his job_ , to look after him.”

Siegfried’s voice rose in volume as he furiously paced around the room. James and Helen looked silently with sympathy. Both of them were worried about Derry and imagined that Siegfried was even more so. Still, they also suspected that this outburst was about more than just Dale and Derry Ross.

Their suspicions were confirmed with Siegfried’s next question.

“Where’s Tristan?”

James cleared his throat. “He apparently got called out to Dent’s farm to stitch up a pig’s leg that had gotten cut on some wire. Helen said he left a couple of hours ago.”

“A couple of hours ago?” Siegfried echoed. “A cut leg shouldn’t take this long. Why isn’t he back yet?”

“I don’t know,” James said. “Apparently, there haven’t been any other calls. Maybe he decided to stop by the Drovers after he got done. You know how much he hates dealing with Dent’s pigs. He probably just decided to treat himself to a pint after he finished.”

“That’s no excuse to….”

Siegfried’s next rant was cut off by the sound of the front door opening and closing. A moment later, Tristan walked into the room, rubbing his hands together. As soon as he he saw James and Helen, a rueful grin appeared on his face.

“My god, James, that wind is freezing,” he said. Then he spotted his brother, the grin vanishing. “Oh, Siegfried, um, have they found Derry?”

“No we haven’t,” Siegfried replied. “And where the hell were you? Stitching up a pig’s leg shouldn’t take you over two hours.”

“Well, it was a pretty bad cut, Siegfried,” Tristan said. “And while I was there, Matthew Jarvis stopped by and said he had some sheep that looked off. So after I was done with the pig, I went over to his place. Turned out his sheep had gotten away from him and had overeaten which led to a mild case of protein poisoning. I told him to give them some Epsom salts and to call us if they don’t improve in a couple of days.”

“Yes, well done, little brother, well done,” Siegfried said with a smile. However, it wasn’t long before the smile disappeared, and his voice heated up again. “Still, you should have called. What if you were needed for another call? Or what if something had happened to you? Like the car breaking down or…or…. We’d have no way of knowing where you were or if you were all right.”

“Come on, Siegfried,” Tristan said. “If there was an emergency, James could have gone. It’s not as if….”

“That’s not an excuse,” Siegfried interrupted. “From now on, you’re to call if you are sent somewhere else or if a job is going to take longer than expected. That way, we will know if we’ll need to work around an emergency.”

“But Siegfried….”

“No, my mind is made up,” Siegfried said. “How are we supposed to run a business if we can’t keep track of each other’s movements? It’s simply not acceptable. We’ll keep a log book when we go on call-outs. That will make it easier to monitor what each of us is doing.”

Tristan rolled his eyes, and James felt like doing the same. It would be a great hassle to adhere to a routine like that given how erratic their call outs could be. Still, it was doubtful that Siegfried would remember this idea tomorrow. Hopefully.

Besides, James was willing to give Siegfried some leeway right now. He knew where this sudden need to keep track of everyone had come from, and while it was irritating, it was also a natural offshoot of the parental facet of Siegfried’s personality. A facet James was fond of most of the time even if it also led to moments like this.

From the look on his face, James suspected that Tristan was thinking similar thoughts while the two of them watched Siegfried silently pace back and forth in front of the fireplace.

“It’s no good waiting around here,” Siegfried suddenly said. “I’m going back out. I should be back by tomorrow morning. Oh um, Helen, my visits for tomorrow….”

“I’ll have a list waiting for you on the desk,” she said. “I don’t think there’s much in the daybook anyway though.”

“Good, that will give me more time to help with the search,” Siegfried nodded. “I’m off.” He marched out into the hallway to grab his hat and coat.

“But Siegfried,” Helen called after him. “You really should try to get some….”

The slam of the front door put a halt to her words, and she sank down onto a chair, a crease of worry in her brow. James sat back down at the table. His food didn’t look as appetizing now, but he didn’t want to let Mrs. Hall’s efforts go to waste either so he tried to get more of it down.

Tristan stared at the front door for a few moments before shaking his head. “I, um, I’ll be upstairs swotting if anyone else calls.”

“That’s ok, Tris,” James said. “I can take over. It was supposed to be my night for evening call outs anyway.”

“No, um, that’s all right, James,” Tristan said. “I mean, I can go too, if you want.” Tristan paused, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Well, exams are coming soon again and I could use some time with the books. Good night, Helen.”

“Good night, Tris,” Helen said as he strolled out of the room. Then she turned her attention back to James. “You’ve hardly touched your dinner. Would you like something else? I could probably whip up some sandwiches.”

“No, that’s all right,” James insisted. “It’s still good. I was just, well, I wasn’t that hungry tonight anyway. I can make do with this.”

Helen nodded, but James could tell that she wasn’t convinced. It didn’t surprise him as he knew he wouldn’t even be able to convince himself right now.

At the moment, all of their thoughts were on Derry. And Siegfried.

* * *

 

The next morning, James woke up to find frost spreading white tendrils onto the windows in his rooms.  A light snow had fallen overnight. It wasn’t enough to hamper travel, but it did dramatically increase the chill in the air.

It took several tries and a gentle nudge from Helen, but eventually, James managed to convince himself to get out of bed and get started on the day. All he had waiting for him was morning surgery, but the cold seeping into their rooms was enough to make for a slow, reluctant pace as he got himself ready to go downstairs.

The two of them were greeted in the living room by the sight of Mrs. Hall silently serving up a hearty meal of scrambled eggs, bacon, fried mushrooms and tomatoes along with toast and jam. As they sat down, the first thing both of them noticed was the missing place setting at the head of the table.

“Mr. Farnon has already left,” Mrs. Hall said, anticipating their question. “A constable stopped by earlier and asked if he would be willing to join them for more searching. He said he wouldn’t be back until the end of morning surgery.”

“What about his calls?” Helen said. “James can’t take them on and watch morning surgery too.”

“Mister Tristan has already started on those calls,” Mrs. Hall answered. “He should be back any time now.”

“I see,” Helen said quietly. “Thank you, Mrs. Hall.”

Mrs. Hall nodded at her and left the room. James picked up his plate and served himself a generous helping of everything before going back to his chair. He looked over to see Helen staring down at her empty plate.

“Helen? Like me to get you some breakfast?”

“Oh that’s all right, James,” she said. When she looked up, there was a trace of a smile on her face. “I’ll just get myself some.”

James nodded and sat down to eat. The quiet, somber mood in the living room wasn’t the best environment to eat in, but James hadn’t eaten much last night and doubted he’d make it through the day if he skimped on two meals in a row. He ate silently while watching Helen slowly make her way over to the serving dishes and scoop out the food listlessly. Once she was done and had sat back down, she mostly picked at her food for several minutes before finally digging in.

The two of them had almost finished their first helping when Tristan came into the room. Mrs. Hall was close behind him, carrying a large pot of coffee.

“Ah coffee,” Tristan grinned. “Mrs. Hall, once again, your timing is perfect. Is there any bacon?”

“There is,” Mrs. Hall said, sitting the pot onto the table. “And there’s more eggs if you want them.”

“I’ll let you know,” Tristan said, beaming at her. He rushed over to snatch up his plate so he could fill it as fast as he could.”

“How’d it go?” James asked him as he poured himself a cup.

“Oh fine,” Tristan said as he dished out a giant mound of eggs. “Handshaw was his usual pleasant self. Felt like showing me that cow you said would never walk again so you know what sort of mood he was in.”

“I can imagine,” James said with a snort. “Any word from Siegfried?”

Tristan said down and studied the food in front of him. “No. I saw Mrs. Dalby, and she said she had seen Siegfried searching with the police while she was on her way here to do the shopping. Oh and James, she wanted me to tell you that the calf you injected last week is doing much better now.”

“Well that’s good, at least,” James nodded. “It’s nice to see that poor woman have some good luck for a change.”

Tristan nodded and started to eat. He’d only gotten a couple of bites in when a phone call and then an appearance from Mrs. Hall interrupted him.

“It’s for you, Mister Tristan,” she said. “One of the constables who was out searching with Mr. Farnon.”

Tristan rose from his chair, a pensive look on his face. Once he had left the room, James and Helen sat their forks down, too worried about what this phone call could be about to continue with their breakfast.

A couple minutes later, Tristan returned, his expression grave with eyes that were lit up with worry.

“Tris?” Helen said. “Is it, is it about Derry?”

Tristan took a deep breath and nodded. “I’m afraid it is.”


	3. Chapter 3

All of them had known that this outcome was a possibility. Not that that made the news any easier to take.

There was silence at the table after Tristan had shared what he had learned on the telephone and sat back down in his chair. The search was over. Derry had been found in one of the deserted cottages early that morning. The three of them had heard many stories over the years that warned of the dangers of the bitter cold of the moors in the Dales and now, those dangers were made real and tragic again.

James scraped his fork along the surface of his plate, pushing what scraps were left around the edges. Tristan had said that Siegfried had been in the part of the search party that had found Derry, so he had been the one who identified him. As sad as he felt over the news, James imagined that Siegfried was taking it even harder.

Helen reached a hand over to him with James clasping it, grateful for the touch right now. Another couple of somber moments went by before Tristan finally looked up from his food.

“James, could you hold the fort for me for a while?”

James looked over at him and nodded. Tristan gulped down what was left of his coffee and got up from his chair.

“Thanks,” he said, dashing off from the room. Once he was gone, James let out a long sigh and poured himself another cup of coffee. He saw the concern in Helen’s eyes and took her hand back into his.

“Don’t worry,” he told her. “I’m sure Tris knows what he’s doing.”

“I hope so,” Helen said. She wiped at her eyes. “Oh James, that poor boy….”

“Yes. It’s terrible that it turned out this way.” James frowned and tightened his fingers around the handle of his cup. “Especially when it didn’t have to.”

“And what about Siegfried?” Helen asked. “James, he wanted so much to find Derry. And now he’s out there by himself….”

“I know,” James said. He clasped his wife’s hand again. “But I’m sure he won’t be alone for long. And besides, I think Tristan is exactly what Siegfried needs right now.”

* * *

 

Siegfried continued to watch Clyde amble around his enclosure for a few more moments before finally settling on a spot near the fence.

The founder never did fully develop, but Siegfried was concerned that the pony would be susceptible to it for the rest of its life. Whoever took care of Clyde from now on would always have to be on the watch for it. And it was certain to happen if Dale Ross ended up being the one to keep him.

Flakes of snow swirled in the wind that was starting to pick up again. Siegfried blinked as bits of ice flew into his eyes. He had tried multiple times to put the terrible sight he had seen this morning in a ramshackle cottage out of his mind even though he knew it would be impossible. He would never forget the dread he felt when one of the constables called him over to look at a form huddled into a corner. He’d always have a memory of that icy floor pressing hard against his knees as he dropped down to get a closer look.

The wind screeched over the fell, creating swirls of snow in the air. Siegfried could feel the biting chill, but that sensation was indistinguishable from the hollow feeling that had overtaken him as he walked away from that cottage. The only other thing he had been left with was the need to do something. Anything.

Eventually, that something ended up being getting away from everyone. Siegfried wasn’t especially fond of being alone most of the time. However, at that moment, being alone seemed like the best option for when he finally had to deal with the emotions which were sure to overtake him before long.

Siegfried continued to stare at the pony. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he never heard the sound of a car pulling up behind him. Or the footsteps that approached him.

“Siegfried?”

Siegfried drew in a deep breath. Truthfully, he wasn’t shocked at being found or by who had found him. If anyone could figure out where he had gone once the search was over and the tragic news had spread, it would be him.

Siegfried turned around, and for a second, he saw a boy with light, sandy-blond hair and a cheeky grin. Then the moment passed, and he saw the young man his brother currently was standing there, his hands in his pockets and a serious look on his face. It was something that had happened many times before, and Siegfried often wondered if he would ever stop seeing the echo of the child he had spent several hectic, but happy years raising.

“Am I so easy to figure out?” he said with a half-hearted chuckle. Tristan gave him a sympathetic smile in return as he walked over to him.

“Well as you’ve told me several times before, being as we are brothers, we each have a pretty good idea of how the other one’s mind works,” Tristan said. 

“So I did, so I did,” Siegfried said, nodding. “I suppose I’m just surprised that you were actually listening to me for a change.”

Tristan snorted as he moved to stand next to Siegfried who went back to gazing down at the enclosure at the bottom of the slope they were perched on.

“How’s Clyde?” Tristan asked.

Siegfried shook his head. “The laminitis cleared up, but the chances are good for a relapse if whoever takes care of him next isn’t mindful of it. Josiah Bennett was just telling me last week that he’s thinking of getting a couple more ponies for his children. I’m sure they’d be happy to take on a good-natured pony like Clyde for their youngest son.”

“I take it Dale Ross has no objection?” Tristan said with a bitter smirk.

“Dale Ross is an unmitigated ass,” Siegfried replied through gritted teeth. “Do you know what happened when I stopped by with the police to inform him about what happened to Derry? I tried to offer my condolences and all he could say was that he didn’t understand why everyone was making such a fuss. That’s all it is to him. A fuss. His baby brother just…he just….and all that man can think about is how it’s keeping him from his work.”

“No wonder why he farms pigs,” Tristan scowled. “He’s right at home with them.”

“I wouldn’t insult the porcine species by implying that he belongs in their ranks,” Siegfried said. “Of course, he was only too happy at my suggestion that someone take Clyde off his hands.”

 “And?” Tristan said.

Siegfried looked over at him and let out another short chuckle. His little brother did know him very well indeed.

“And I imagine our services will not be requested from this point onward after the words I had had with him in regards to his treatment of his brother.”

“That suits me,” Tristan smirked again. “One less chance for you to stick me with pig jobs when you’re in one of your moods.”

“Take care, little brother,” Siegfried warned him. “There are still plenty of jobs out there and new opportunities are always presenting themselves to me. Trust me when I say that I can always find something to help teach you the value of labor.”

Tristan pouted at him, but Siegfried remained impassive. It wouldn’t hurt to let the idea that he was always on the lookout for less than favorable tasks to curb Tristan’s wayward habits stew in his little brother’s brain for a while.

Soon, Siegfried’s thoughts drifted back to Derry, his mood darkening again. He went back to gazing at the hills around them. He might have been able to save Clyde, but he had done nothing for the child who had needed his help just as badly.

“Why was he out there?” he wondered out loud. “What on Earth possessed him to go wandering around the moors in this weather?”

“Maybe he just wanted to get away,” Tristan offered. “Or maybe he thought there was somewhere better he could go to.”

Siegfried nodded. It made sense. At best, Dale was heartlessly indifferent to Derry. He didn’t like to think about what the worst moments between them were like.

Then another thought gripped him, a thought that sent a chill through him that went far deeper than the one in the air around them ever could.

“It was my fault,” he murmured.

Tristan goggled at him. “Your fault?! Siegfried, how could it…?”

“I told him he should look for work at the local stables when he got a little older,” Siegfried said. “I told him that he could spend his life caring for horses if that’s what he wanted.”

“Well all right, so you did,” Tristan said. “What of it?”

“Don’t you see?” Siegfried snapped at him. “He was desperate to get away from his brother and I told him that there was a chance he could go somewhere and live the sort of life he dreamed of. Then I said that he would probably have to take the idea up with Dale. He must have panicked and run off to see if someone would be willing to take him on right away.”

“But that’s hardly your fault, Siegfried,” Tristan replied. “You were just trying to encourage him.”

“I should have cautioned him and reassured him that I would find a way to help him that didn’t involve Dale. Instead, I just filled his head with hopeful dreams with no thought of making sure he understood the things that would need to be done to reach his dreams.”

“You couldn’t have known that he’d just run off in the middle of the night,” Tristan said. “That’s just common sense, isn’t it? He must have wanted to get away from his brother so badly, he didn’t think before he ran off.”

“And I knew that his brother was completely unsuitable to look after him!” Siegfried spat. Anger flashed in his eyes as whirled around to face Tristan. “Anyone could spend just five minutes with that odious man and realize that he didn’t care about Derry. His own baby brother meant less to him than his pigs.”

Siegfried curled his hands into fists and turned back toward the countryside. “He callously neglected his brother and now….” He took a deep breath, a cough tickling his throat due to the icy air. “Derry will never have a chance for a better life or any sort of life at all. And I did nothing.”

“You did what you could, Siegfried,” Tristan said gently.

Siegfried swiveled his head to glare at him. “And how could you possibly know that? You said yourself that you only met Derry one time.”

Tristan let out a weak laugh and moved closer to him. “You’ve forgotten already that we’re brothers? And that I’ve lived with you for years?” He leaned forward and rested his arms on the bridge. “I don’t need to have seen it first-hand to know that Dale Ross probably got an earful from you about how he should be taking care of Derry. And that Derry probably heard more than one speech about working hard and persevering and how things would get better. Along with getting a face full of candies.”

Tristan smiled at him, but quickly became more serious again in the face of his elder brother’s scowl. “It wasn’t your fault that Dale didn’t listen,” he continued. “Or that Derry ran off with no thought of his own safety.”

Siegfried looked away. He didn’t even have the energy to be upset any more, especially not with Tristan, but he knew he wouldn’t be very good company right now either. Thus, even though he was grateful for the certainty that his own little brother was safe and sound, a larger part of him wished that he could be left alone again.

Meanwhile, a more wistful smile appeared on Tristan’s face. “When I met him and introduced myself, do you know what he said to me? The very first thing?”

Siegfried ground his jaw, his hands clenching. He knew what his little brother was going to say and he couldn’t bear to listen to it.

“He told me that I was lucky,” Tristan continued. “And I told him that I know. I know how very lucky I am.”

Siegfried blinked his eyes slowly. Tristan had an annoying habit of saying things that could go straight to his heart, and this was yet another example of it. He knew his brother was right, of course. About all of it. But that didn’t lessen the grief and guilt he felt over that good-natured boy’s death one bit. Derry Ross deserved to have someone feel his loss, and it was patently clear that that person wouldn’t be his own brother.

After that, Tristan fell silent, leaning against the wall with his hands shoved into his pockets. Out of the corner of his eye, Siegfried noted the billows of chilled breath around Tristan’s face and the slight shivers working through his little brother’s lanky frame. He imagined that Tristan would rather be somewhere indoors, somewhere far warmer than here, and yet, there Tristan stood with no indication that he would move any time soon.

For the first time that day, Siegfried found it in him to smile. Tristan wasn’t the only one who had been fortunate in the family ties he had been given.

He reached over to pat Tristan’s arm. “It’s too cold to be standing around out here,” he said.

Tristan gave him a grateful smile. “Right. Home then?”

“Home?” Siegfried cocked his head to the side. “I thought for certain that you’d suggest the Drovers for a quick pint.”

“Well, that’s always good,” Tristan replied. “Especially if you’re paying. But, well…I’m sure poor, old James would prefer it if we showed up to watch the surgery so he can do his visits. And Mrs. Hall said something about making some extra scones with the tea today. Or we could just have some beers in front of the fire. And…um….”

Tristan shifted from foot to foot, taking a quick glance to the pony in the field before meeting Siegfried’s gaze again.

“And I suppose home just sounds really good right now,” he continued.

Siegfried grinned at him and gave Tristan’s shoulder another playful cuff. “That it does, little brother. That it does. Come on.”

The two of them hurried back to their vehicles, ready to return to the warmth of Skeldale and to the people waiting for them there.

 


End file.
